This Mom Wrote A Letter To Her Husband Asking For Help, And A Lot Of Women Will Recognize
Author: Clark Tos
We may be in 2022, but unfortunately it is not uncommon to hear mums complaining about the daily involvement of dads with children. And precisely, the letter from a mother to her husband recently made many mothers react.
Crédit : Jelena Stanojkovic / iStock
Indeed, a large number of them recognized themselves in his words, and this may also be the case for you when reading this article. The author of the letter in question is Celeste Yvonne. She shared her letter for the first time on Facebook in 2018 and since then the text has appeared regularly on social networks as it speaks to many mothers who display great mental and physical fatigue.
The straw that broke the camel's back and that prompted Celeste Yvonne to send a message to her spouse took place the day before she wrote her letter. That day, she had asked him to take care of their baby so she could go to bed earlier and finally catch up on her sleep. But contrary to his expectations, not everything went as planned. The courageous mother therefore took up her pen to put on paper what she had on her heart and empty her bag.
Here is his letter:
I have. Need. What's more. Help. The baby was crying. Moaning, really. I could hear it from upstairs and my stomach was churning from the noise, I wondered if I should come downstairs and relieve you or just close the door so I could get the sleep I so desperately needed. I chose the latter option. You came into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby still crying frantically. You placed the baby in the crib and gently pushed him just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done caring for him.
J I know that we both saw our parents fill the typical roles of mother and father growing up. Our two mothers were the primary parents and our fathers were relatively indifferent. They were excellent fathers, but they weren't expected to spend significant time changing diapers, feeding, caring for and caring for children. Our mothers were the superwomen who maintained the family dynamic. Cooking, cleaning, and raising the children. Any help from the father was welcome, but not expected. I see us falling into this family dynamic a little more every day. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of our children is expected even when I return to work. I blame myself for that too. I installed the previous one that I could do. And in truth, I want to do it. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not sure I want to know what a week of dinners with you in charge looks like.
If they can do it, if our mothers did it so well for us, why can't I? I do not know. Maybe our friends are acting out in public and wrestling in secret. Maybe our mothers suffered in silence for years and now, 30 years later, they just don't recall how difficult it was. Or maybe, and this is something I blame myself for every day, I'm just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And even if I cringe just thinking about it, I'll say it: I need more help.
I'm human, and I operate with five hours of sleep and I'm tired as hell. I need you. In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can take care of the baby and make everyone's lunches and drink a cup of coffee. And no, preparing the toddler does not mean planting him in front of the TV. That means making sure he pooped, giving him breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school. I need an hour to decompress knowing that our toddler is sleeping in his room and you are taking care of the baby. I know it's hard to hear the baby cry. Trust me, I know it. But if I can watch and calm the baby for most of the day, you can do it for an hour or two in the evening. Please. I need you. During the weekends, I need more breaks. Times when I can just walk out of the house on my own and feel like an individual. Even if it's just to walk around the neighborhood or go shopping. And some days, when I've got swimming lessons and playtime afternoons scheduled, and it seems like I have everything under control, I need you to offer to help me out. Or that you suggest I go lie down during the kids' nap. Or that you start doing the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.
I need to hear that you're grateful for everything I do. I want to know that you notice that the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I need to know that you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and that I express my milk when I am at work when it would be easier to use infant formula. I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home instead of going to your networking events and sports activities. being the mom , I'm expected to be home all the time and always available to take care of the kids while you're out and I feed that assumption by being, well, home all the time.
I know that's not how our parents did it, and I hate having to ask. I wish I could do everything and look like it was effortless. And I wish I didn't need kudos for doing things that most people expect of a mother. But I'm waving a white flag and admitting that I'm only human. I tell you how much I need you, and if I continue at this rate, I'm going to break. And it would hurt you, the children, and our family. Because, let's face it: you need me too. »
Crédit : Nattakorn Maneerat / iStock
A call for help
The lack on the part of her partner plunged her into deep fatigue, and despite this, she saw the fact of asking for help from the one who shares her life as a real failure, when it should be simply normal that both parents assume their role and take the share of responsibility that should naturally fall to them. Celeste Yvonne explains that at first she thought her husband would not replicate the pattern of stereotypical parents from previous generations where the mother does everything and the father not much, but she finally finds that he comes close dangerously.
This letter strong in emotion shows the state of despair that a mother can go through in the weeks and months following childbirth. In the collective unconscious, we tend to imagine birth as the most painful moment for the mother, but in reality, the postpartum period is often a particularly intense and difficult period to cope with, whether mentally or physical. Thus, leaving the particular case of Celeste Yvonne, this text without filter makes it possible to better understand what millions of mothers around the world feel.
What do you think ?